Roseanne Now Has Full Control Of “The Connors” Thanks to a Los Angeles Jury
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Roseanne Barr Now Has Full Control Of “The Connors,” Thanks to a Los Angeles Jury

In a twist that’s more shocking than a soap opera finale, Roseanne Barr emerged victorious in her legal battle against ABC. A Los Angeles jury handed her a whopping $208 million and the reins to “The Conners,” a show they claimed ABC pilfered from her. According to her manager, Art Tubolls, it seems like she’s planning to toss the whole thing into the trash bin.

“Roseanne has no interest in a ‘back from the dead’ storyline, and she’s not keen on producing the show as it stands. So, her game plan is to give the liberals a taste of their own medicine and pull the plug on it,” Tubolls revealed.

The news hit the show’s current cast like a bolt from the blue. “We find solace in the fact that she’s now loaded enough to vanish into thin air happily,” John Goodman admitted, “and we’re also thankful for the five seasons of easy money on ABC.”

Goodman confessed that aside from the show’s lead, Sarah Gilbert, and her fellow lesbian, Laurie Metcalf, the rest of the cast are relieved to be done with pandering to political correctness. “I can finally return to my true passion: ballet,” Lecy Gorensen declared. “Playing a regular person has been as exciting as watching paint dry.”

Regardless of what Roseanne decides to do next, she’s laughing all the way to the bank. She’s made a killing from the network, and no one will be cashing in on her ideas unless she gives the green light.

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